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Feb. 14th, 2008

im gone from this lj.

there is too many two-faced losers reading this and frankly, im done with it.

one or two of you might hear from me, otherwise, i have nothing to say to any of you.

now is the time for a new life, free of emo scenesters and people who wouldnt speak to me in commonplace.

so fuck ya'll, im out.

Been alot of changes here. Ive got alot to think about. I went to a party tonite, first one in 3 years. Im glad.

Nothing else left ot say.

May. 5th, 2007

Its sad, i go away for a week to jsut come back to peruse my friends page, to find all there is is constant updates from thedailytube, and thats it. Blah.

Well Cody's homeless for real as of tonite, he was staying at Amy's and I was with him most of this week, and now he cant stay there, nor his parents, or here. Life sucks sometimes. But funny enough, he landed 2 jobs today. Hmm.

Hes sleeping in his car either in the yard or out somewhere else, i have no idea yet. I know he'll be ok, I gave him a bunch of kisses and such.

My life other than this stressful crap, is just, guess...more stressful crap! My job is seriously starting to suck major balls, I get cussed at for nothing most of the time. Its fun. My car just loves being 15,000mi over a tuneup/oil change! Squee!

Ever been suckerpunched in the ovary? Poor ovary. Ow.

Ive just been with Cody for the last few days, and we finally decided that we can handle this apartness.

He wants joint custody of me with my mom though lol. Like i spend the nights i work nighttime with him, and the nights i work days i spend here :P

I have to work in the morning, so he went ahead and brought me home after we walked the bridge near the Hippy Hole for a bit.

Im sick though. I think its strep throat, but i dont know. Its basically a severely sore throat, only where i swallow, swollen glands in my throat, its making my voice kinda wheezy, and some congested nose feelings (i think the nose thing is allergies, not related). It hurts pretty rough, plus i think ive been having a fever with it too, but i dont have a thermometer.

I hope when i fianlly get my appt with the Lincoln Center they can fix EVERYTHING thats wrong with me, because ive felt bad in various places for over 5 months now, and its really getting old. Im sick of complaining about it, and im tired o feveryone thinking im a hypochrondriac. Srysly. Because they do.

The tea i made didnt make my throat feel better, but it made my sinuses hurt. Great.

I gotta work in the morning, and Im exhausted. So bedtime.

lean like a cholo

this. is. sad.
Well well

Cody came up to Dominos last night and sat in teh parking lot the entire 6 hours i was at work and waited for me. Bought me lunch/dinner too :) We definitely talked more last night than usual. I got off work @ midnite, and we went ot Ali's since his grandmother is in Vegas or something and sat on the porch and chilled for a bit, then went to Amy's and I ended up spending teh night, munching on pork chops, cuddling and watching Futurama and shit, which i havent done in forever :D Amy woke up and was like "Is kelly here?" and we talked for a bit and she said i could stay over there if i wanted, for as long as i wanted, cuz im family to her. We left out of there and went back to creedmoor to look into jobs/housing, and found a job *maybe* for cody, its not really anything at all. A dry cleaner :/ thats preobably not all that cool. I saw mom @ the Dollar Store and cody bought me a pink seahorey keychain thats awesome, and i came home with mom to get a shower, and im heading back up there to work.

I might stay over there another night, i dunno. It hurts to be here, ive been panicky ever since i layed eyes on mom, and i dont like that. But i know i have to stay here, because its the right thing. I might stay out there though, to have that time, because i love him so much and i miss him.

Mixed up times, but itll work out. I think.
Well, i was gonna make a happy post, but I cant now, because everything fell apart since last night.

Well, after Tony decided to fire Cody for no fucknig reason other than he couldnt borrow my car, my mom decided that he cant stay here without a job, and he had to leave last night. About 4am. He tried to give her this weeks rent and she wouldnt take it, though he could get the rest of the money by friday when its due. Just, threw him away. I mean, in teh same DAY. How can people be such assholes to do this to him? He hasnt done anything to anyone. Im sitting here on his internet, using phones he bought, and hes the bad guy? Hes the only reason we have anything in this house, and hes gone.

I am in so much pain right now. I had to fall asleep alone, which took long enough, and then just to wake up and realise im still alone and i havent stopped crying since.

I cant call him because the phone isnt working and I cant just look behind me and see him there like he usually is, or still asleep, or anything. Hes just not here.

Last night broke my heart, and its just stabbing it more today.

I still have the phone/internet, which is his, he told me to keep it paid up and stuff because I need it, and if i ever cant pay it, let him know.

Im trying to figure out whats wrong with the phones. One of them just plain died yesterday, and this one gives me the dial tone, and when i try to call him, it never rings. I tried other numbers too. So i have no phone to call him.

I am so hurt right now, and everything ISNT going to be ok.

Edit: God, the dogs are waiting at the door for him to come home.

This distance, this dissolution
I cling to memories while falling
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day
Waking the misery of being without you
(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting here) For the end of my broken heart

KNŻ - Las Maquinas de la Muerte

Now you see why Im crazy, its genetic.
Youtube Myspace and Ill Google your Yahoo.

Its 4:20. Yeah.

I was kinda in teh mood to post, but Im really not.

Well after my post on tuesday night, i ended up going to the hospital and staying forever. They thought I had a pulmonary embollism and shit, and the blood test came back positive that i had that or something else wrong, but the techical pinpoint test came up clean. In fact, my lungs and their vessels look awesome. Go figure. Either way, they know something isnt right, so I got referred to the Lincoln Center for shit. Good luck to myself trying to get an appt there. Thats practically impossible. But the referral helps....i guess.

I finally converted pspcs3 to work on my comp, and i made a icon *see*

Today was weird and happy/sad and shit. Devon quit and he was teh only person i could talk to :( then I saw John and Tommy for the first time in ever. Then i got offered the position of daytime lunch manager, and Im terrifed of that, because I know either im not gonna like it or i am and theyre gonna take it away from me like they did Cody, because theyre wishywashy bastards. Also, I have to work tomorrow for vernon because he worked for me wednesday because i had just gotten out of the hospital @ worktime and shit. Im either forced to work tomorrow morning or work a double shift saturday, but we finally came to the solution that i work 10-4 so i can still get to Hopefest tomorrow.

Went out with Ali tonite since we hadnt seen him since he left for baltimore and rode around and celebrated 420 doing stupid shit, and now Im home and Im tired and I *so* dont want to work tomorrow. But I have to, because Im a pussy.